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The Unromantic Nature of the Healing Process

The Unromantic Nature of the Healing Process

You know how a few days ago I said “just keep going”? That’s because this healing journey is so damn unromantic, and sometimes so excruciating – which is what yesterday was for me. Yet another layer of deep rage came to the surface. A searing reminder that there is no light switch. This personal and generational trauma won’t just slip away in the night leaving us free and easy. Oh no. It is there. It has earned its place within us. It will not be summarily banished. Still, we keep going, digging deeper, because those old, familiar ways are always trying to pull us back in, tantalizing us with the hollow, insidious, short-term, relief they offer.

So, we keep going, until the grooves of the new path become unmistakenly visible after years of arduous digging. That is the clearing in the forest. That is the place where when the pain comes, we can allow ourselves to really feel it without being taken under – without making camp in the abyss.

Here’s the thing. I think the pain will always be there, and sometimes it will rear its crushing head. The goal in keeping going is for these moments to happen less frequently, less severely and that the heartbreak will be of a shorter duration. Because we now understand that no amount of healing we do changes where we have come from and what so many of us suffered as children. So, what comes up is entirely understandable. We are not weak or loathsome for it. We are doing our best while wrestling with a formidable and frightening foe who has no mercy.

And so, a part of keeping going is to have compassion for ourselves, to forgive ourselves. Because the very last place any of us wants to be is in ‘that’ place of futility. If we could snap our fingers and never go there again, never feel those feelings, never again feel the shame of burdening others with our devastation… but that ain’t happening.

So keep going dear friends. There is no final destination. Just a very real opportunity to be more aligned, more often – to feel actual joy, maybe for the first time. And that’s enough. Unromantic but enough to make things okay, for you and your community. That is the revelation. The elation.

Oodles of peace love sisters and brothers.


Effect Change

Effect Change

Fighting unconsciousness only begets unconsciousness. Unconsciousness is transmuted by compassion and non-judgment, as long as we proceed with the understanding that unconsciousness is not purposeful. It is not evil. It is just massively confused, which leads to fear and lashing out.

Fortunately, the cliche that ‘love conquers all’ is true. When we lead boldly with the heart, and learn to flow through the resistance that comes back our way, and still exude the gentle confidence that comes with being heart-centered… Well, if you haven’t tried this, consider giving it a go. Treat it like an empathetic game. Give your full attention to the recipient of the accompaniment you are offering. Hold them in their place of uncertainty, the unnerving place that is stoking their deep feelings of trauma, betrayal, neglect. Without a word show them that you feel where they are at and everything is okay. Notice their response. It might be subtle. It might be obvious.

It is the change that comes when we cease to be slaves to our generational and life-long patterns. When we become conscious of those deeeeep-seated patterns, we are free to choose to be the loving souls we desperately want to be. When we give the fruits of this revelatory way of being to others, especially those who expect the ‘business as usual’ from you… Well, that can effect serious change.