You know how a few days ago I said “just keep going”? That’s because this healing journey is so damn unromantic, and sometimes so excruciating – which is what yesterday was for me. Yet another layer of deep rage came to the surface. A searing reminder that there is no light switch. This personal and generational trauma won’t just slip away in the night leaving us free and easy. Oh no. It is there. It has earned its place within us. It will not be summarily banished. Still, we keep going, digging deeper, because those old, familiar ways are always trying to pull us back in, tantalizing us with the hollow, insidious, short-term, relief they offer.
So, we keep going, until the grooves of the new path become unmistakenly visible after years of arduous digging. That is the clearing in the forest. That is the place where when the pain comes, we can allow ourselves to really feel it without being taken under – without making camp in the abyss.
Here’s the thing. I think the pain will always be there, and sometimes it will rear its crushing head. The goal in keeping going is for these moments to happen less frequently, less severely and that the heartbreak will be of a shorter duration. Because we now understand that no amount of healing we do changes where we have come from and what so many of us suffered as children. So, what comes up is entirely understandable. We are not weak or loathsome for it. We are doing our best while wrestling with a formidable and frightening foe who has no mercy.
And so, a part of keeping going is to have compassion for ourselves, to forgive ourselves. Because the very last place any of us wants to be is in ‘that’ place of futility. If we could snap our fingers and never go there again, never feel those feelings, never again feel the shame of burdening others with our devastation… but that ain’t happening.
So keep going dear friends. There is no final destination. Just a very real opportunity to be more aligned, more often – to feel actual joy, maybe for the first time. And that’s enough. Unromantic but enough to make things okay, for you and your community. That is the revelation. The elation.
Oodles of peace love sisters and brothers.